You cannot heal in the same environment where you got sick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but hurt is an emotion you are sure to experience at some point in life; more often than you’d probably care to. Whether it’s in the form of a break up, a death, loss of relationship, or it’s self inflicted; it sucks! The truth is, hurt and pain is inevitable but it doesn’t have to have a perpetual hold on you. You have to actively work to get out of the place of pain and it’s difficult to do without some behavioral and environmental changes. If you’re looking to get out of a tough, emotional rut, read on for my steps to healing.
I get it, this is probably the most difficult step if someone else has caused you hurt and pain. You’re supposed to work up the strength to take everything they said and did into account and then turn around and forgive them? Holding no grudges or ill will? YES. Don’t be confused, forgiveness is not letting them off of the hook, it’s unclenching the tightness in your own heart and letting anger subside. Because as we know, being unforgiving is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die. Healing starts here. It may not happen over night, but it has to happen for your own well being.
2. Realize it may not be about you
Hurt people, hurt people. Most of us have probably heard that phrase and have written it off without much thought but it’s a very true statement. Often when someone is rude or seems to be intentionally hurtful, it’s got little to do with you and everything to do with their own problems. Life is tough and some of us cope in different ways. Some internalize and others project, hurting anyone who comes into their path of destruction, even those closest to them. That’s not an excuse to be a dumping ground for toxicity though.
3. Find an outlet
Remembering that pain can hold you captive, it’s imperative to find a way to release. Do what brings you peace. Drawing, dancing, yoga, and even traveling are all examples of stress relieving activities. You may even want to try something new to get you the escape from your present state. It may not make your problems disappear, but providing yourself a neutral space for healing is important.
4. Don’t let the hurt define you
Forgiving is one hurdle, moving on is another. Just because you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean you have to let the events of that pain negatively define who you are. Change the narrative and find the lesson inside of the pain. Instead of of being guarded, choose to wear your heart on your sleeve. Choose to be more understanding. Consider yourself and situation a testimony for those who will inevitably go through similar pain as you. Your story may have changed, but it isn’t over.
5. Accept Joy
You deserve happiness and joy, so accept it when it comes and create it when you need it! Spend your time with people who celebrate you and make you feel like your best self. Don’t wallow in sadness expecting for it to magically disappear. Do and be around who makes you happy.